In Others’ Words: The Ruins of Insecurity

Insecure beauty 2016

Insecurity had it’s way with me for too many years. 

I wouldn’t say it ruined my beauty … because I didn’t think I was beautiful, inside or out.

And that belief … that lie … was the surest sign of insecurity’s hold on my life.

We all struggle with self-doubt to some degree. Some of us seem able to withstand it’s stranglehold, while others of us are bullied into believing we aren’t worth much … if anything at all. The beauty of our essence is marred, sometimes almost obliterated, by a soul-deep uncertainty.

Only the Truth will set us free.

The first Truth we must embrace isn’t that we are beautiful. The first Truth we need to believe is that we are Beloved. (I Thessalonians 1:4) Have you ever heard the saying, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?” When I finally believed that God looked at me and saw me for who I was — no hidden secrets or sins — and that He loved me, I could begin to believe I was beautiful. I removed the mask of pretense and let myself be me. And I could look in the mirror and I like — no, I could love who I saw looking back at me. 

In Your Words: What lies has insecurity whispered to you? What truths helped you become free of self-doubt and see your true beauty?

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Check out Howard Books’ The Best Fiction Sampler Ever 2016 and read the first chapter of my second destination wedding novel, Almost Like Being in Love, which releases in June! You can also enjoy sample chapters of some other upcoming releases.

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10 Comments

  1. February 2, 2016, 5:47 am   /  Reply

    As I read this, these original words leaped into my mind: Close friends are the best and truest mirror of who we are. I’ll stick with that.

    • February 2, 2016, 10:00 am   /  Reply

      I agree, Dee. Our closest friends do mirror the truth of who we are back to us — and so often speak the truth of who we are back to us when we are believing lies about ourselves.

  2. February 2, 2016, 6:47 am   /  Reply

    PS. Maybe instead of WWJD? we need to ask, What Does Jesus Say? (WDJS?) and remember it.

    • February 2, 2016, 10:01 am   /  Reply

      A brilliant piece of insight, Dee. <3

  3. February 2, 2016, 7:17 am   /  Reply

    With so much of what I have valued and to which I’ve tried to be faithful stripped away, with another fell symptom showing up this morning, and realizing that there isn’t a corner to turn, or that my day will come…the only beauty left is that which is prescribed by duty.

    • February 2, 2016, 10:03 am   /  Reply

      Duty is honorable, Andrew. And it is beautiful. Honorable. Something that withstands time without eroding.

  4. February 2, 2016, 7:28 am   /  Reply

    I love Delores’s advice. What would Jesus say? I’ve often wondered how the same thing can happen to two people and one becomes insecure while the other shakes it off and moves on. I do know that when God looks at me he doesn’t see an insecure person, but one bold and beautiful. Great post!

    • February 2, 2016, 10:05 am   /  Reply

      Pat: I think some people are born more resilient than others. My youngest daughter,for instance,has a natural resilience I admire. But I also think it makes a difference if we know God loves us — truly, truly grasp this TRUTH — and if we also are surrounded by the life-giving love of others that tells us we are safe.

  5. February 2, 2016, 9:31 am   /  Reply

    Oh, Beth. You speak my language and say it far better. My struggle with insecurity has been a life-long battle. I’ve finally stopped fighting against it since it taps me out me every time. I’ve decided instead to roll with it, scoot over and let it stew beside me while I ignore it and go about the business my Father sets before me, the Father who loves and empowers me to follow his lead (sometimes) and be in places as he times it and speak words that clearly come from him, and watch in awe as his purposes are fulfilled along the way. That he would use me, flaws and all, is amazing, and knowing his grace is mine without danger of it being withdrawn, deserved or not (actually not), brings me enormous peace. It also empowers me to tell insecurity to shut up and stay put. And most importantly, his grace reminds me that none of this is about me! Focusing on him instead of my navel is a far more pleasant use of time and energy. 😉

    • February 2, 2016, 10:10 am   /  Reply

      Camille: What a joy for you to join the conversation today, my friend. I know the life-long fight you speak of … and also of the need to admit that insecurity must be acknowledged and, in a sense, welcomed. Self-doubt may never be completely vanquished, but we can still live in a way that reflects God to others, rather than wrestling the chokehold of self-recriminations that strangles our dreams.

      Love how you said this: ” … knowing his grace is mine without danger of it being withdrawn, deserved or not (actually not), brings me enormous peace. It also empowers me to tell insecurity to shut up and stay put.”

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